CALEB GORDON - MELITIUS
Enter: MELITIUS
7 years ago I found myself in the yurt of a tall, funny person serving me bacon and eggs. It was when they started chatting with me about painting miniatures for a tabletop game that I knew I had made a new friend. Caleb was a fellow student studying acting for theatre at Rosebud School of the Arts. I recently reconnected with Caleb over Discord. Sadly we didn’t eat bacon and eggs - but we did discuss the intersection of art, technology, and game. Maybe one day you’ll get to meet Caleb and ask them yourself about the time they lived in a yurt, but until then, enjoy a peak inside the intelligent, warm, and hilarious mind of Caleb.
Tal: Before we jump in to the more philosophical questions, Caleb, can you tell me what games have played or still currently play a big role in your life?
Caleb: I'm definitely connected to Magic: the Gathering at the moment, but it's easy for me to swap from one to another -- this time last year for example, I was heavily invested in raiding mythic Castle Nathria in World of Warcraft. I found enjoyment in challenging myself in a team setting, where one person's success does not necessarily equate to everyone's. Cooperative games are not easy to design, but when I find one, I get so excited!
Tal: Your first post-secondary experience was at the University of Lethbridge for New Media. Did choose that program because of your interest in gaming?
Caleb: I went into New Media to explore the digital space, specifically what technology can do for us as humans. Keep in mind, this was over a decade ago (oof), and times have changed. Social Media was a fun place to keep in touch with friends, and while we knew about how advertising and marketing were influencing us, it didn't have chokehold it does today (or at least, it wasn't as apparent.) I was very interested in the idea of Convergence Culture: all or digital bonds normalized the distance between us, so people who were far off or otherwise inaccessible became a video call away. This has been instrumental over the past few years with Zoom calls, and has helped many be with their loved ones, even as they pass from COVID. However, it has also buffered the distance between close relations, and added obstacles in communication with those we are on a personal relationship with; the jokes that are made on this topic are many, and none of them are funny.
Tal: What role has art and technology played in your own ability to connect to others?
Caleb: My biggest Fear: Being afraid of being too intense. I have heard people are afraid of me when I have those big things called emotions. I've adapted my awareness to watch the room around me, so I can be understanding that some emotions are big and dangerous and terrifying, and people are not equipped to handle them all the time. However, I am interested in asking: How can we equip people to handle emotions? I've stepped back, and realized more often than not, people are not afraid of my emotions, but their own reactions to them. I've wondered from time to time if technology can help in some ways. In the same way it can bring distant people close, perhaps there is a way to bring distant emotions safely to harbour, so we can meet with them on a level playing ground. In fact, I wrote about this idea in University: a project I called Sorrowvast.
Sorrowvast was a hypothetical digital art show: Users create an avatar, hop on a ship of their choosing, and begin their sojourn across the cybernetic sea. The water is black, with rolling Matrix code carrying users wherever they wish, and the moon is above in the night sky, shining. It is always dark. And dotted amongst the digital ocean are small islands that artists have free reign over. Well, there is a unified structure of environment, but free creative structure for the islands.
And on these islands, there is art that seeks to go beyond evoking happiness, sadness and anger. These installations explore curiosity or discovery, courage and fear; niche feelings that the artist can communicate in an intimate manner.
Tal: This hits on one of the themes that I find the most intriguing about your work- an element of “The Mysterious Abstract”. Can you give some insight into what it is about the unknown that you find worth exploring?
Caleb: OH COOL SOMEONE PICKED UP ON IT Mysterious Abstract - Yes, it lies in a direction closer to my bones than my brain. It Just Happens, and it seems dispersed throughout my work, like little breadcrumbs. That's a good term for the feeling of not quite belonging, being an outsider, but acknowledging I am still a human at the end of the day. There have been plenty of moments of my life where I have felt isolated and apart, but I've found that while 'aloneness' can be perceived as a black and white concept, I like to pull it into the grey. We are each a microcosm of the universe, and it, a macrocosm of ourselves. A human is a universe made small, with thousands of thoughts, memories and existences within. Everything that is going on in the universe is also occurring in cells within cells and selves within selves.
Tal: Looping back to game and play, how does that inform your work as an artist?
Caleb: I like to use it to play around with the idea that not everything is set in stone, especially in performance. Every night is obviously going to have little nuances informed by the audience, that even though I am performing a solo show, the audience is a part of it. Conversely, I too live in their thoughts and dreams.
Paramount to these moments is Safety. Especially in theatre and solo shows, the audience needs to know they are in a safe space; we're all humans with our own histories, fears, and traumas, and those are going to be respected. However, I do not strive for a comfortable audience. Much of my art has challenged the viewer to look within, to be curious about what makes them think and act the way they do. I cannot tell you how many times I've had nice little discussions with audience members after my shows, where they are clearly disturbed by something my show brought up in them -- "most of it was fine, but that one part where you looked me in the eye... you didn't mean me, did you?" Safe-but-not-necessarily-Comfortable means that we may come away from the art changed, or experiencing something we didn’t want to.
During several of my solo shows, I've moved across the boundary of the stage, and into the audience -- much like a creature of the night that hasn't been invited in. The reactions are telling; most will happily look forward at an empty stage, and ignore the only thing happening in the room behind them. I'm always curious: can’t there be a game of "will I step over that edge?" Can we entertain the idea of what would happen if I did? And when I do, that sense of aloneness, of otherment, kicks in again.
Playing games for me also fits nicely into these moments. If we are playing a game, there are set rules. If one of the rules is: We can’t leave the room, for example, what about bending that rule? if I stick my hand through a door, am I still in the room? How far out of the room can I go before I am not in the room? And when we try to test those boundaries, that's when people start to laugh. There are so many times I’ve thought “I can’t do that”, and someone says “Try, we’ve got your back!” This is the best part of play/testing, and I wish I could give that gift to other people.
Tal: And inversely, what is the overlap in gaming from your arts training?
Caleb: Hrm. Being a Magic Judge -- so much of being a judge is thought of as knowing the rules, and if you break them, this is the punishment. There has to be a good standard to follow, and the one I find most helpful is this: If you are going to deviate from policy, will you be okay with it showing up in a Reddit post tomorrow? In the field, there are so many accountants, lawyers, and programmers, but rarely are there actors; I wonder why that is.
Tal: Lately, I’ve been enjoying your body of work on social media, specifically instagram. I’ve been finding it refreshing, nostalgic-yet-current and poignant. A particularly resonant moment for me was on your “Nerd Monday” series when pointed out the theme of an “Outsider finding belonging through achievement”. To wrap up, can you explain what your approach is and where people can find your work?
Caleb: Ah! Nerd Monday- I love a heartwarming Nerdy moment, and it's good to know I’m not alone. Honestly, I usually wake up, check the theme of the day I've assigned myself, and write for a bit -- Nerd Mondays are harder, because I am writing about complex topics over the span of a few slides, and it usually takes about an hour. The most important thing for me is to remind myself the social media is a game, a tool; not a prison. Let's take it back from the advertisers.
You can find my work on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter @Melitius. Heck, type that in to Google, and it'll either be me, or a Bishop that died several hundred years ago.
